THE MAN IN THE MARRIAGE

It is important to properly define the man’s prerequisite for marriage.  Apart from his physical masculinity and maturity, there are few other things that he must possess in character and disposition.

Have ye not read that He which made them in the beginning made them male and female?  And said, for this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh?  Wherefore, they are no more twain, but one flesh.  What therefore God hath joined together let no man put asunder (Matthew 19:4-6).

From the above scripture, the man in marriage ought to be:

A man indeed

By this statement, I mean, the man must be:

Ø  Physically healthy: So many times, some quarrels that linger for a long time without explanation and often defy solutions are traceable to the health condition of the man. He may be sterile or impotent and covers his sickly state with the garment of holiness; or it is likely that the woman also has at one time lost something personal to her and her matrimony and never mentioned it to the husband before the joining.  Therefore, after the joining, things begin to get disjointed as the truth gets uncovered.

Ø  Mentally sound: Often times, the irrational way in which some men treat their wives suggests some measure of mental imbalance. If a man is mentally sound he would have known that the woman he has married is not an angel in the first place and can make mistakes. Mental soundness also accounts for right sense of judgement.

Ø  Financially capable: I am sure you know that a man may get married to the right woman - the perfect will of God for him; but because of financial imbalances and lack of wisdom to manage the ugly situation he may not last in the marriage. There is an extent to which women’s patience can be stretched. If stretched beyond its elasticity limit it can break. If that happens it will rather be too bad for a couple trying to fulfil their marriage vows toward one another.

Ø  A man of decision: A man indeed should be able to take decisions by himself and stand by it. Some men are so attached to the aprons of their parents that they can never make up their minds on anything except their father or mother tells them what to do, how to do it and possibly where and when to do it. Such people can not be addressed as men. No matter how physically old they may be, properly speaking, by their attitudes and behaviours, they are boys, not men.

Ready to leave his father and mother

Leaving father and mother is a mark of maturity. But not every man can leave father and mother and stand alone for too long. To leave father and mother therefore means:

Ø  The ability to handle situations maturely without necessarily involving third parties such as; your parents and in-laws.

Ø  That is the ability to distinguish yourself in mature ways such that your parents know their bounds and limits in your home: Your father and mother ought to be able to respect your matrimonial home and give your wife her privacy and opportunity to fulfil her role and calling in your life.

Ø  It has to do with the ability to stop using words that give the impression to your wife that you are missing your parents so much so that you prefer to be with them rather than being with your wife.

Ø  It means leaving without thinking of ever forgetting any- thing behind that is more important in your life than your wife in your father’s house. Let the whole world know that next to God and salvation in your life is your wife  and home. Then treat her as Christ treats the Church.

Ø  This does not necessarily mean that you will not visit your parents or care for them again, but it means that you will regulate your visitation and maximize your care for them. So that you would not be painting a picture that your home is having some problems and you need their help.

He must be ready to cleave to his wife

It is one thing to leave father and mother, but it is yet another thing to be able to cleave to your wife.  So, a man must not only leave father and mother, but he must be willing to cleave to his wife.

    To cleave to your wife means to:

Ø  Join himself to his wife as one body with her in all things.

Ø  Agree with her in principles, ideas, decision making, planning, execution of projects and other special areas as they surface in the marriage relationship.

Ø  Spend adequate time with your wife alone at home and everywhere possible.

Ø  Let her feel your presence around her as her husband.

Ø  Your warmth and your masculinity must be employed in her defence, not to harm her.

    Willingness to be one with her

Let everybody around you know that as a married man you now have responsibilities and you are accountable both to God and to your wife. Let them know by your action that you are no longer a man alone. In other words, to be with your wife entails:

Ø  Keeping yourself to her alone: This speaks of affection. You must withdraw your affection from every other woman and pour all your affection on your wife without any reservations that can lead to lewdness and keep yourself to your wife alone.

Ø  Keeping no secrets: As much as possible, every secret agenda must be exposed by way of seeking her opinion and counsel. Freely discuss your personal affairs with her in the spirit of unity. Let her know that you have nothing to hide from her knowledge.

Ø  Not to take her unawares: Discern her state of mind and know when to tell her things you consider too heavy for her to bear. It may be dangerous to break news, such as the demise of her loved one to her while she is about to give birth without the proper application of knowledge, which is wisdom. It might have some adverse psychological effect on her.

Ø  Make yourself known to her: She should be able to so know about you to the point that she can represent you anywhere even when you are dead. You must never hide your gains or loses from her. That way she stands to defend you any time there is need to do so. As a woman she would also want to play safe if she is not fully in the know. Her response would reveal her innocence about your businesses and transactions whenever she is asked of what she knows about your life.

Ø  Avoid hide and seek game: The ultimate thing here is to be truly transparent to your wife. Avoid playing hide and seek in the family union, it does not show that you are one with your wife. Hide and seek can easily separated the best of friends/couples

Ø  Show concern and give attention: Your wife deserves your concern and attention much more than any human being living on the face of the earth.  For a better understanding of this subject matter, let me attempt to use the acronym for husband to explain the responsibilities, concerns and attention of the man in marriage:

H-   Honesty

U-   Understanding

S-    Sharing

B-    Basic Supply

A-    Availability

N-    Nice

D-   Devotion

Every letter represents a duty and shall be treated as such in the second part of this book hereunder.